You be nimble, you be quick,

But I'll be always a little thick

When the talk runs on, and on, and on

With loud political pro and con.

You can tell them, and you'll be right,

But I never seem exactly bright.

Republican and Democrat

Leave me feeling a little flat.

Next time you must elucidate

The mind that moves the electorate,

And speak at length of polls and purse.

Don't be pithy. Don't be terse.

Tell all you know, and don't omit

The doubtful states, or the ticket split,

The party chairmen's earlier lives,

The candidates' daughters, sons, and wives,

The inside dope, the public debt,

Or the cleverly reasoned election bet.

You'll be happy-that's only fair-

And I'll be happy. I won't be there.