Of all the pipes there are to buy

There's only one'll

Ever completely satisfy,

And that's a Dunhill.

Among the aristocracy

Of smokers none'll

Say, "My pipe's the best here, see?"

If you've a Dunhill.

If such there be, just say to him,

Crawl up a tunnel."

You don't mind getting gay with him.

You have a Dunhill.

No power of poetry, or of prose,

Or joke or pun'll

Shake the faith of one who knows

And smokes a Dunhill.

My ship of blinkin' dreams was full

Up to the gunnel.

When I lit, up and took a pull.

On my new Dunhill.

We had some celebration!

No brand of fun'll

Beat this puff-ect combination,

Me'n my Dunhill.