Meghan Podolsky: Okay so, before we just cut out, I'm gonna ask you, what do you think next month is gonna look like and how it's gonna affect your teaching? Jessica Pearson: Yeah. Um... so like kinda... Jessica Pearson: the word- the word from on high so far, it's just like, hm we don't know! Prepare. And there hasn't been any like decisions made, but there is this kind of looming possibility of like, start thinking about what the world is going to look like if we're still online. Jessica Pearson: Um, and particularly for performance classes, that's like a very interesting possibility. And I think the thing that I'm most concerned about and that we kind of talked about in this meeting Jessica Pearson: is that, like I figured out a way to do my [unintelligible] online. Check. But but so much of that that work depended on having that first half of the semester in-person. Jessica Pearson: And doing all the things that you want to do in an acting class, like building an ensemble and like communication and like feeling comfortable in your body and all of these things. Jessica Pearson: That just like, the way they've always been taught is like this kind of like in-person, very like physical Jessica Pearson: communication and building, building relationships, and building a kind of like a classroom community Jessica Pearson: which for me is so important in an acting class, is building that community of trust. Because you're asking people to take risks. You're asking people to do things that they're not comfortable with and. Jessica Pearson: And that means that they need to feel comfortable like, trying and failing in front of a group of people. So. Jessica Pearson: I always start out my acting classes in a way that's like, all right, let's start this out with stuff that's really low stakes, stuff that doesn't have any, like, Jessica Pearson: that's not going to matter once you've done it and like just like, be around each other and like you know, Jessica Pearson: laugh and get to know each other a little bit and just like, it's fine. We can, we can be silly, we can make some mistakes. Like the sense of play I think is really important. Jessica Pearson: So that when you get into the place of kind of the more Jessica Pearson: things that feel more vulnerable for people, like standing in front of a group, and like performing a character and reading a word, having things memorized, that you've got that comfortable-ness. And it's like, how do you create that community when we're all just like little squares? Jessica Pearson: And I read an article recently about kind of like the biochemical thing that makes Zoom exhausting. Jessica Pearson: Of just like the idea of absence and presence, and what your body does things when you're in a group of people, and it has like chemical reactions because like Jessica Pearson: we're humans. We will pack bond with anything, like, including like vacuum robots. They like want to give it a name and like call it their friend. Jessica Pearson: Because it's like, we want to form communities. And when you're trying to do that, particularly with people you haven't met in person and it just like all you are is this little cube, it's exhausting to try and do that work Jessica Pearson: without without the actual in-person feeling. And I think it's easier when it's somebody that you like, like I know you. Jessica Pearson: You're a- you're a real person. You're not just a- Meghan Podolsky: I can neither confirm nor deny that. I don't know. Jessica Pearson: Yeah. You seem real, you seem real to me. You're as real as my vacuum robot. Jessica Pearson: I don't have a vacuum robot. I just said that because it's funny. I don't Jessica Pearson: have a Roomba. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: But, and like I don't think we have an answer, and I'm not sure there is an answer. Um, because it's just going to be about trying to figure out ways to like Jessica Pearson: teach this, teach this skill and figure out like okay, what's important? What are our goals and about I think redefining Jessica Pearson: the goals of what an Intro to Acting class is when it's online? Jessica Pearson: And like, and there's all of these possibilities. And it's like, what if we start with the semester online and then go to in-person. And then what if this happens? And what if that happens? Jessica Pearson: Um, but I think for me Jessica Pearson: any sort of hybrid where there's like, oh well there's going to be some in-person, it's like I can figure that out. Then you start with monologues. You do like individual stuff, and then you do groups. Jessica Pearson: But I think the thing that I really need to think about and prepare for, even if it doesn't happen is like, how do you teach this thing online? Jessica Pearson: How do you- how do you create that community? Jessica Pearson: When you don't have the ability to do all of the things, like all of the things that I rely on as an acting teacher Jessica Pearson: and that so many people rely on, like all of these, like these like years of experience of, like okay great. We're going to do this, we're going to do this game. We're going to do this activity that just like you can't do Jessica Pearson: over a computer. Jessica Pearson: So it's really about like thinking outside the box and trying to figure out, like, okay, so what was the goal of that activity? What was the thing I was trying to teach? What was the thing I was trying to get to happen? What's another way to get that to happen? Jessica Pearson: And... hm I don't know, I don't have any of those answers yet but Jessica Pearson: we'll see. Jessica Pearson: We shall see. Meghan Podolsky: We shall see. And I have full faith in you also. Highest, but you know. Jessica Pearson: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Meghan Podolsky: So you mentioned, you know, Zoom fatigue, just a lot of this. As much as I love this, it's a lot of this. Jessica Pearson: Yeah. Meghan Podolsky: So how has technology played a role in your life during the pandemic, either in classes, as a way to get and share information, or for entertainment, and how has your relationship with technology changed because of the pandemic? Jessica Pearson: I think for- Jessica Pearson: Starting with- starting with in class, because I'm doing everything over Canvas. And before I would use Canvas as like a place to put documents. Jessica Pearson: They all have access to it and I could just Meghan Podolsky: link it up. Jessica Pearson: So I got to this point where it's like, as we went to the switch online that like spring break week, where that we all had to prepare. I was like, I guess I'm going to learn and see what Canvas can do. Jessica Pearson: Because I knew that, I knew that I wasn't going to do stuff over Zoom. Because I knew I had, I had students going back to California. I had some international students who literally were out of the country. And it's like, I'm not going to be like wake up at 3 am to take my acting class. Jessica Pearson: Because again, because this is something that then nobody prepared for. Nobody signed up for this. Um. Jessica Pearson: So really finding ways to use that interface and finding ways to communicate through it and doing a lot of just like, I think I feel like I figured it out pretty well. Jessica Pearson: I thought I figured it out like exceptionally well until like the semester started and I kept getting emails with like, where is this thing? And I was like, I didn't hit publish. It's up now. Jessica Pearson: But then there were things like, where is this thing? And I'm like, Oh no, it's there, you just can't find it. Jessica Pearson: So it's like, is it my error? Is it a student user error? And I think figuring out all of this, like Jessica Pearson: all of these this technology that already existed that we just hadn't felt the need to use because particularly I've been using, like the assignments feature so they can turn things in. Jessica Pearson: Because I, my acting class in the old days did not have a lot of assignments you turned in. It was like you performed them in class, but now there's like, I'm going to record a video and I'm going to send it to you. Jessica Pearson: And then I sit and I watch the video. And I was talking to, I was talking to Sheriden and Maurice about how much more labor it is for me Jessica Pearson: to like give feedback on monologues. Because in class, you sit and you watch their monologue and you're like okay great, work on XYZ, like next person gets up and... Jessica Pearson: I don't know why it feels like so much more labor to like watch a video and type up comments but there's some, I don't know if it's like absence and presence, if it's like I can literally like, pause the video and take notes. Um. Jessica Pearson: But it's kind of like a very different relationship for me about what work I do as someone who's doing like Jessica Pearson: monologue coaching. Jessica Pearson: And then I've also... Jessica Pearson: I just like really need to keep, like so many more emails. Jessica Pearson: So many more emails. Jessica Pearson: Because it's just, cause usually I don't get a lot of emails from- from particularly Intro to Acting students because it's like I see them twice a week and then they just, you know, they have a question they can just like, talk to me before class or during class or after class. Jessica Pearson: You know, because I do a lot of like breakout group activities in class so they can just be like, oh hey, while we're doing the breakout group I have this question about this next scene. Jessica Pearson: But now like all of those questions are electronic. Jessica Pearson: And Jessica Pearson: time doesn't exist anymore for people. Jessica Pearson: Um, so it's like, literally last night like I got an email from a student at like 1:45am and like I got it, because I was checking my email. Um... and I had to be like, don't answer that. Jessica Pearson: Answer that in the morning. Meghan Podolsky: No, that. Jessica Pearson: Yeah. I mean, I think that there's people talk a lot like in the before days, people talk a lot about like they need to set boundaries when you're always available, when you're always on the phone. Jessica Pearson: And I have to show you the phone because it's- Jessica Pearson: It's props comedy now. Jessica Pearson: Um, but for me it's just like, I gotta check my email when I'm awake. Jessica Pearson: But don't, maybe don't respond to it if it's two in the morning. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: And. Jessica Pearson: And the other thing that's- that's, like the semester is kind of wrapping up and my students are kind of like the ones that are like Jessica Pearson: on top of their shit, are finishing up the work, and sending everything in. What's really nice is that usually at the end of the semester, students are like, oh thanks I really liked your class! And I'm like, thanks, hope you that you have a great rest of your life. Jessica Pearson: But they're all sending these like really lovely thank you emails now and I'm just like, oh. Jessica Pearson: Like we... you know I'm emotional all the time now. So just crying and like, I'm glad you enjoyed my acting class even though there was a pandemic. Jessica Pearson: But there's a level of like, the communication is like, more specific and more like kind of intense. You have to sit and like, instead of just being like, thanks, I had fun! And I'm like oh thanks! Jessica Pearson: You know, you Jessica Pearson: just said because you're here and you're leaving. But now, oh no, you took the time to like write an email and tell me the reasons you liked my class. Jessica Pearson: That's really sweet. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: But. Jessica Pearson: But thinking about like communicating with people is... is it's... it's- it's interesting that like when... Jessica Pearson: Like I'm just doing a lot more like talking to people on the phone, but I'm also doing like Jessica Pearson: I have like a Zoom date with like somebody I was really close to in undergrad and hadn't talked to in years. It was just like, oh, we like talked on Zoom for like three hours. Jessica Pearson: Because it's just like, oh, there's this, I can hang out with anyone as much as I can hang out with anyone. Jessica Pearson: You know, I can hang out with, like you know my, you know Jessica Pearson: a friend of mine who lives in LA, just like just as well as I can hang out with you, even though like- actually I don't know where you are right now. Meghan Podolsky: I'm in Somerville. I'm like traveling to- Jessica Pearson: Yeah, it's like, no, it's like I could like basically reach out and touch you, but I Jessica Pearson: can't because there's a pandemic. But like, this level of communication, you can have with like anyone around the world. And I think because of that, I feel like there's more... Jessica Pearson: For at least for me, more communication going on. Jessica Pearson: My dad got my whole family together for like Easter dinner. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: And like we all, we all had- because usually my family gets like, I haven't done this in years because it's like I live here. I'm not coming over Easter for one day. Meghan Podolsky: What am I going to do, come home for a holiday? Jessica Pearson: Yeah. Well I mean, I live in, my family's in Maryland, so Jessica Pearson: I'm not gonna drive 16 hours with like, when we get one day off. Jessica Pearson: Um, but my family always get sushi on Easter. I don't know why that started but that's just like, that's what Jesus wants you to eat. Raw fish for his birthday or whatever Easter is. Jessica Pearson: Um, but my dad like Venmoed and me and my husband and my sister and her husband money for dinner. He was like, get takeout sushi Meghan Podolsky: and we'll eat it Jessica Pearson: all over Zoom, so we did! Jessica Pearson: So we all got to- Meghan Podolsky: And you got emotion too, because you know, prop comedy. Jessica Pearson: Yeah, prop comedy. Prop comedy. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: But like we all ate sushi over Zoom and I'm like oh, this is cute and fun. But the thing that was interesting was that... Jessica Pearson: Cause it's like, me and my husband were like in our living room, and my sister and her husband were in their living room, and my mom and my dad, my brother were in the house. But my sister kept saying motherfucker Jessica Pearson: in front of my parents, which we don't do. But she was like, oh I just feel like I'm alone in my living room so I can say whatever I want. Like this is my house! Jessica Pearson: Like Jessica Pearson: Yeah, because you don't have that like, oh god, Mom's here. Jessica Pearson: But Mom's there and she can hear you. And you'll be like, fuck that shit! Jessica Pearson: No, don't say that, Mom's here! Meghan Podolsky: Mom's here! She's right there! Jessica Pearson: She's right there! But it's like, you don't have your like, I'm just sitting in my living room! Meghan Podolsky: I've had a similar experience because me and my entire extended family did a Zoom Meghan Podolsky: which again, like it's the same thing with like, we wouldn't do that normally. And like, we wouldn't really be seeing each other right now Meghan Podolsky: outside of that, but you know, my mom organized it. And so like I grabbed one of my housemates. It was like, come like sit in on this Zoom, it'll be fun like meet our extended family. Jessica Pearson: Yeah. Meghan Podolsky: And just like the way we were talking, the way like I was talking to everyone was so different from how I would talk to them if they were in-person. Like I was so much more colloquial and like Meghan Podolsky: I don't know, just like- like, not like raunchy but you know, like the more casual way you have speaking with like friends. Like that's how I was talking. Oh I'm in my house, my friends are here, I'm with friends. Jessica Pearson: Yeah, and you have that like, that like physical-like sense of like this is where we are. Meghan Podolsky: Yeah. Jessica Pearson: Yeah, this is how I act in this space. Jessica Pearson: Because even like, my mom doesn't visit me a lot. But like when she like, when she's been up here, it's been like okay this is Jessica Pearson: a thing. Mom's coming. Jessica Pearson: The apartment is so much cleaner than it ever is. Jessica Pearson: Cause I've spent the three days before just cleaning everything. Jessica Pearson: So you're just like, even though I'm in my space, I'm like, Jessica Pearson: it's so clean. Meghan Podolsky: It's like a different face almost. Jessica Pearson: Because Mom's here. Jessica Pearson: Mother time. Mother can't know I have possessions. Meghan Podolsky: Mother can't know I own things. Jessica Pearson: I must hide them. Jessica Pearson: But yeah, so with like you kind of get this different- this different sense. And I've been doing therapy via Facetime. Jessica Pearson: And what I found is like the first couple of sessions, it felt like Jessica Pearson: it was a lot harder for me to like make progress and open up because it's like, I realized that I had created like. Jessica Pearson: My therapist office is like this secret sacred space where I go in, close the door and it's like, and this is where I can have therapy. But doing it on a Facetime, I'm just in my bedroom. I can't let these feelings happen in my bedroom. Meghan Podolsky: This is my no feeling space. Jessica Pearson: Then they'll stay here. I can't leave them in my psychiatrist's office. Jessica Pearson: So it took me a while to be like Jessica Pearson: and then just like drive away and leave them there. Meghan Podolsky: I'm just like Jessica Pearson: sitting in my room. But then again, it's like space is so important, and space is so different now that like, there's this like constant virtual space. And what I think is really interesting is that the person in my life that has been the least affected by this is my brother. Jessica Pearson: Because my brother, he's twenty-two? Jessica Pearson: And he didn't, he didn't go to college. He went to college for like a year but like, he lives at home and he has a job. Jessica Pearson: But like he communicates, all of his like social communication has always been online. Jessica Pearson: Because his friends are all kind of like spread out over the country. So like. They play D&D online, they do all these things. They have like all of these different things they do together in this online space. And so like my brother got like... Jessica Pearson: Like the place he works like isn't running. He works in a guitar factory, but like he's still getting paid. Jessica Pearson: Oh, great! Jessica Pearson: For like another week, I think. They've just been paying their employees, which is great. Jessica Pearson: But. And it's also like, it's not like he has a lot of bills. He lives at home. Jessica Pearson: And it's like and he's done all of his social communication already lived in this online space, so he's like, I'm fine, I'm great. Jessica Pearson: So nothing has changed. I just like don't have to go to work. Like this is, this is kind of silly and absurd that you are having like, that nothing has changed. Jessica Pearson: But it's just kind of odd that I'm like, oh, that's weird that like some people already had this relationship with technology Jessica Pearson: that everyone else in the world is trying to create. Jessica Pearson: Um, and finding ways to feel close to people and finding ways to like have that kind of emotional connection to people through the phone and through the internet and. Jessica Pearson: And it's kind of like a weird, a weird shift I think particularly- particularly I think for people in theater, who are very much about like, let's all just like get together and like feel the energy of the space. Jessica Pearson: And just like, this reminds me of a really good vibe. Jessica Pearson: And let's like. Jessica Pearson: I'm so like, I make fun of people like that because I've become that person. I've become that, I've become that person that's like, I'm not religious but I'm really spiritual. Jessica Pearson: Um, and I've spent my life making fun of that person and I became that person as payment. Jessica Pearson: But I think that there's like so much about like being in the physical space and being like, with people together that so much about like, oh the magic of theaters is live-ness. And trying to figure out like how do we still do theater and how we still make theater Jessica Pearson: when we don't have that live-ness. Meghan Podolsky: Yeah. Meghan Podolsky: Um. Meghan Podolsky: What seemed normal a few weeks ago that's seems really weird now? And what do you think you're doing now, it's gonna seem really weird in like a month or two? Jessica Pearson: Um, I think. Jessica Pearson: I keep doing this thing Jessica Pearson: that's like, we have a scheduled meeting, you and me. And then like later today I have therapy. My therapy day, the day I put on clothes for people to see my face. Jessica Pearson: Um, but I was like, I'm making Greek chicken for dinner. And it was like, oh, I need to put that in the crockpot before I leave. I was like, I'm not leaving. Jessica Pearson: I'm not going anywhere. Jessica Pearson: It could go in the crockpot whenever. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: And I think just like. Jessica Pearson: The like, still feeling like, having the feeling of like, oh I'll just grab it when I- I had a... we needed a milk a couple weeks ago. Jessica Pearson: And I had like a phone meeting with Noe. I was like, I'll just get it on my way home from meeting with Noe. Jessica Pearson: It's like no. Not leaving, not coming home. I'm going to go sit on the bed and talk on the phone, but Jessica Pearson: it's not, but I still got like my body wants to be like, I'm leaving, I'm going out, I'm doing errands. Um and. Jessica Pearson: It's- for me, the grocery store is so weird and it keeps getting weirder every time. Jessica Pearson: Cause it's like, a while ago, like a couple weeks ago, it was like, we still weren't doing, like we still weren't doing masks. People weren't like, we were like just like stay far apart from people. Um. Jessica Pearson: And but now it's like masks. Gloves. You know, only a couple people in the store at a time. Wait in line. Click. Get clicked through Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: And it's just, that's so weird and particularly since that's like the only time Jessica Pearson: that I leave the house. Jessica Pearson: It's the only place I go. Meghan Podolsky: Do you go for a walk still? Jessica Pearson: Um sometimes, like but just like around my little complex. Meghan Podolsky: Yeah. Jessica Pearson: Because I used to go, I used to go for walks at the- there's a little pond in Woburn, it's got ducks and geese. Meghan Podolsky: You say as if like no other pond has ducks and- you know, it's got ducks and geese. Jessica Pearson: Ducks and geese. Meghan Podolsky: Not only but also. Jessica Pearson: Not only but also. Jessica Pearson: Um, there are some ponds don't have a thriving duck or goose population, it's really a draw. Jessica Pearson: Cause you're like look, an animal and I love animals. I just love little animals. Um, I'm Jessica Pearson: so glad that there are gonna be people like in like- who knows how many years, like doing research on the pandemic who are gonna have to watch this. Jessica Pearson: And be like, oh my God, is she going to say something useful or is she Jessica Pearson: just going to do prop comedy and talk about how much she likes ducks? Jessica Pearson: This woman is useless! Meghan Podolsky: Future PhD candidate is like, this woman is a PhD candidate and she doesn't understand. Meghan Podolsky: I'm trying to do research! Jessica Pearson: They have ducks everywhere. Meghan Podolsky: Dear future researchers, there are ducks. Jessica Pearson: Um, but anyway. Jessica Pearson: I like tried to go once, and there was just like a shit-ton of people there. And I was like, no. And like, I don't know, maybe it's better but I haven't tried it yet. [unintelligible] Jessica Pearson: But... but yeah, it's kind of like weird and I never I didn't realize how much I used to enjoy going to the grocery store. Jessica Pearson: Like I used to find it super relaxing, I'm just gonna like walk through the aisles, like see what like looks good and what's on sale and I'll like meal plan in my head, but now it's just like. No, we need to go in. We need to get, what do they have, I don't know, not this. Jessica Pearson: Thanks, get the food. We need food. We need something, just something to eat, something to eat. Get out. Get out. Jessica Pearson: And it's just repeat and like I get so mad about people not following the rules and it makes me so angry. Jessica Pearson: Um, and. Jessica Pearson: It's just Jessica Pearson: I think- I think that I Jessica Pearson: Oh, it's starting to get a little weird, little feedback and I keep thinking you're talking to me. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: Okay good. When I think about, like, what's gonna what's going to seem weird in a couple of weeks, it's like, I have no idea because Jessica Pearson: I feel like I'm starting to get into like a routine where things are starting to feel a little more like normal. Jessica Pearson: And you know, the endless adaptation of humanity is like, it's still everyone's on like, this is weird. But I'm just like, oh no this is life now. I just like get up and like. I'm like oh man, I gotta Jessica Pearson: see if I can order toilet paper online. Jessica Pearson: Um. Jessica Pearson: But it's just like, now it's kind of gotten into this routine and I'm sure like there's gonna be other weird things that happen that are just be like, okay great. Jessica Pearson: Guess we're incorporating this into the Jessica Pearson: routine now. Meghan Podolsky: The life you know. Jessica Pearson: Yeah, I think the thing, like the thing that I think- if I looked like weeks ago, if I had looked onto like my life now, the thing that would be the weirdest is like how Jessica Pearson: Like the level of- I'm not. I mean you know me, I'm not ever super formal with my students Jessica Pearson: particularly in an acting class because it's like, I want everybody to be comfortable. But just any any layer of formality in communication Jessica Pearson: has just gone away. I texted my sister, because yesterday, I sent an email just telling all my students that it's like hey, I've given out a lot of extensions to people Jessica Pearson: so I'm just going to give them out to everybody. I type up this email. I go to put it in the subject heading and hit Canvas and I type, "acting students can have a little extension comma, as a treat." Jessica Pearson: And then I hit send. Jessica Pearson: And it didn't even- I didn't even think twice about that until like. Jessica Pearson: Like five minutes later, I was like Jessica Pearson: huh, maybe that was not Jessica Pearson: the way I should send, but it's just like. Jessica Pearson: No. There's no rules anymore. I'm like, I wouldn't have. Like six weeks ago, I would not have sent an email with a subject heading that was a meme um... Jessica Pearson: I might have thought it Jessica Pearson: and thought it was funny but I wouldn't have done it. But I did it and didn't even think about it. It was just Jessica Pearson: Uh oh. Jessica Pearson: Okay, cool. Fine, whatever. Jessica Pearson: Because it's. Jessica Pearson: It's like how you get every email you get and send, it's like in these trying times comma, I hope that you are not yet dead. Meghan Podolsky: There was a thing on Facebook, that was like a poem a woman made. Meghan Podolsky: Like insane thing- not insane, like they're very normal now. But the thing is like Meghan Podolsky: hope you're doing fine, like in these tumultuous times. It's a very hard time for all, like every single one. Jessica Pearson: And it's so weird, because like every email is like, I know that it's insane that we're still trying to work comma, when people are dropping dead all around us, period. Meghan Podolsky: Tee-hee! Jessica Pearson: But I need you to sign this expense report. Jessica Pearson: It's just like we're trying to live our normal lives, but we realize that we need to put some caveat of like Jessica Pearson: if you're fine, Jessica Pearson: answer this email. If you are dying, you can ignore it. It's fine. Meghan Podolsky: Blink twice. Jessica Pearson: Blink twice. Um. Meghan Podolsky: But it's just like Jessica Pearson: the. Jessica Pearson: People trying to put up these just like I know, I know. It's dumb that I'm sending an email right now, but we need to continue to communicate. Jessica Pearson: And and like that's the thing that I think is, it was weird. And now it feels kind of normal and I think we're going to look back and be like, that was a weird time. Jessica Pearson: Yeah, it's a weird time. Jessica Pearson: Hopefully. Meghan Podolsky: Hopefully we can all like look back, we'll still have eyes. Jessica Pearson: Yeah. Jessica Pearson: We'll still have the benefit of hindsight. Meghan Podolsky: Um, I do want to be cognizant of your time because it is 11:32 but if I could ask just like one last quick question. Jessica Pearson: Oh yeah no I got, I got plenty of time. Meghan Podolsky: What am I doing! Meghan Podolsky: Um, how... this is like kind of a combo question. I couldn't figure out exactly how to word it, but how was your mental health/emotions/perspective/hope changed since campus closed? Jessica Pearson: Something I'm very open about is, I have an anxiety disorder. I am medicated. I have therapy every week and something that like, I feel like is really important, particularly for me as as someone who is in a position of like some level of authority Jessica Pearson: of being like, no, this is okay. Like talk about it and fix it. Jessica Pearson: You know, my brain doesn't make the same chemicals as everybody else so I need to take them. Jessica Pearson: So that my brain has the same chemicals as somebody who does it, who like just makes them on their own. Jessica Pearson: If your brain doesn't make your own serotonin, store-bought is fine. Jessica Pearson: And something I felt very, very lucky about, going into this is that I already had these like- I had routines. I have resources. I have, you know, like I have my therapist who very easily was just like, great. We're shifting online. Like now we Facetime. Jessica Pearson: That I already had those systems in place. Jessica Pearson: It's been killer. Of course it has. People who haven't had anxiety problems, it's like, why am I freaking out? Because of the global pandemic. Jessica Pearson: And. Jessica Pearson: And they think that it's Jessica Pearson: it's been, it's been good for me that I have, I have like these kind of systems in place for anxiety and that it's- But it's still weird and hard and I think because a lot of times, my anxiety is not about things that are real. My anxiety is about, my brain is broken. Jessica Pearson: Which is what I like to say, my brain is broken. Jessica Pearson: That's why I'm anxious and I can usually like work it back and be like, okay, here's this thing. That's like not really a big problem that triggered it. And then it's spiralled. Jessica Pearson: But it's kind of weird to have it be like, okay, what's the thing that triggered it? People are dying all around the world and no one's paying attention. Like, oh no that's a real one. Jessica Pearson: That's a real thing. And I think there's just that, I get the feeling of like being powerless, because I always want to, I want to fix things. Jessica Pearson: I'm very much like, Oh, there's a problem, let's fix it. Jessica Pearson: Usually with a prop. There's not a prop to fix this one. Um, and I think that that it's kind of a weird Jessica Pearson: position of approaching mental health. I think everyone's trying to take off, like Jessica Pearson: you need to make time for that. Like, you need to make time for vacation or like I'm overwhelmed and I'm going to take a nap. Jessica Pearson: And they think that like Jessica Pearson: I personally am having a hard time trying to like, think about the future and think about timelines, because I think the thing that really stresses me out is that like I don't know when this is going to end. [Unintelligble] Jessica Pearson: Um oh no... are you, I can hear you. Yeah, you're moving Meghan Podolsky: Thank God. I don't know what the hell's happening. Jessica Pearson: I don't know, I don't know. What's the last thing I said? Meghan Podolsky: We don't know what's gonna happen. I don't know. Jessica Pearson: Yeah, oh yeah, and I think that the way that I've been dealing with that is- it'll make the internet better if I'm closer. Jessica Pearson: The way I've been dealing with that is just trying to really keep like goals short-term. It's like, what do I need to do this week? What can I do to make things better right now? What can I do to help people in the short term? Jessica Pearson: And like, I'm not doing a lot of like long-term planning. Jessica Pearson: Because it's like great, okay. It's just what can I do, what can I do now? Jessica Pearson: I don't need to, you know. Jessica Pearson: The soonest I need to be someplace in-person is maybe September. Jessica Pearson: Let's just try and try and do what I can. A little bit at a time and. Jessica Pearson: And that's just like how how I've been kind of like triaging the emotions of like, I don't know what's going on. I don't know how to help, like the thing I need to do to help is just like not leave my house. Jessica Pearson: Which doesn't feel super active. Jessica Pearson: So I kind of, I've kind of just kind of like Jessica Pearson: little goals like trying not to think too globally because when I do, I get really overwhelmed and need to take multiple naps. Jessica Pearson: Little tiny cat naps. Jessica Pearson: All the time. Meghan Podolsky: Jess can have a little nap. Meghan Podolsky: Jess can have a little Meghan Podolsky: global pandemic nap as a treat. Jessica Pearson: As a treat. Meghan Podolsky: I hope the PhD student got that reference because if not, you don't know. You don't have your finger on the pulse, buddy. Jessica Pearson: Yeah. No, like you need to go back, like meme culture of the pandemic Meghan Podolsky: Meme culture. Oh my god. Jessica Pearson: is gonna be Jessica Pearson: a great dissertation someday. Meghan Podolsky: Meme culture as a collective coping tool? Like, lot of bank! Jessica Pearson: Yeah. Jessica Pearson: Yeah, that's great. Do that. This is a useful, this will be a useful uh Jessica Pearson: interview Jessica Pearson: for the person writing that PhD. Meghan Podolsky: Before I stop the recording, is there anything else you want to say? Jessica Pearson: Uh no, um no. Jessica Pearson: Okay. Meghan Podolsky: Gonna stop recording.